Allowed

The best medicine isn’t quite accepted
But it’s the poison for which I’ve elected
To continue breathing like the rest
But to get to keep it will be the real test

It seems I’ve finally found the answer to the demons
The one and only way to really stop the screamin’
If I can have it then I might just have an answer
To contain this horrible, psychological cancer

After looking for the answer in a bottle
And once in the end of a .45’s throttle
I might be able to finally breath the Peace
And catch the other end of a little more release

It all comes down to the demons that you feeding
The ones you give control in the darkest times of needing
It’s never really been about the graces
It’s about the vices and the winners of those races

And just maybe I can finally see some light
It burns enough to hurt me but it might just make things right
Or at least as right as things can ever be
Since the the Peace we knew was taken far away from me

One more taste, but I can’t be left to revel
The world won’t approve of the way I choose to level
With the pain that’s been welling up inside
Just know I left on the high road, I swear to God I tried

Tell me that there’s nothing wrong with the way we make things right
As the world comes undone despite how hard we’ve tried
Because the answer doesn’t feel as wrong as it would seem
But I doubt the world would agree with everything they’re seeing

So I’ll take the trail where it leads despite the costs
It doesn’t really hurt me, as much as people’s thoughts
I’m doing what I need to do to get me through the days
Accept it or reject it, it’s not their place to say

I’m grateful for the answers that I’ve found
And I pray to heaven that I get to keep them around
The peace that it brings me is something quite profound
If it saves my soul, then fuck if it’s allowed

One More Day

Waiting with my baited breath for 300 days
I never know just what I’m thinking
Holding on to leaving well enough alone
No matter what I think I’m leaving

I took my time and just enjoyed what I had
Never questioning what it was
But nothing lasts forever, they said
Though the memory certainly does
And as I close my eyes tonight
Those memories will hold me tight
And in the wake of all the change
The memories make it alright

I never meant to break this down
I meant
To see
If I could possibly not drown
If I could just hold on for now
To this
Belief
It doesn’t really matter how
I might make it through this

Enduring what I’ve built for myself to see
The constant sights to much to bare
Reality weighs heavy with its perfect irony
Right now it’s almost to much to care

Still I find the memory holding tight inside my mind
I feel like a king who’s lost his crown
Like the only thing left in my world to find
Is the one thing that I’ve lost now

So as I sit here with a drink
And let the memories sink in
I have to fight back from the brink
This can’t really be how it ends

I never meant to break this down
I meant
To see
If I could possibly not drown
If I could just hold on for now
To this
Belief
It doesn’t really matter how
I might make it through this

Can this really be
The way it falls out for me
Can this really seem
Like the better way for things to be
Is there a hope or prayer
Or a chance to change the way
If I could just go back
Just to have that one more day

Breath In, Breath Out

Breath in, Breath out
Til the silence is not so loud
One step, and one more
Til you find better reasons for

The fight, insane
And it’s only me to blame
For all, I’ve done
And I’ve only just begun

Fall in, get out
Of love before we drown
Once more, for show
Even though they can’t know

I can’t, forget
What it was that was said
Now when I’m, in doubt
I Breath in, Breath out

The Shadow Man

Faceless and nameless
the voices are shameless
they twist and contort me
and claim they are blameless
You hold on to tightly
they leave you and rightly
you know you can’t make it
you can’t even fight me
I try not to listen
to the constant admissions
but all that they say
is just part of the question
Can’t you hear what they’re thinking
they’re mocking they’re taking
their time and enjoying
how pathetic you’re being”
Breath in breath out
but don’t make a sound
the silence is heavy and sharp
but I’m bound
You know you can’t hide
we are always inside you
we are the only ones
holding you tonight”


Somehow they’re right
but still I fight
there has to be more
to this life than this strife

Green eyes don’t cry
smiling delight
see through the soul
they will haunt you for life

Green eyes don’t lie
open so wide
but don’t listen to close
or you’ll lose your mind

Green eyes burn bright
shining a light
constant companion
and only one left me tonight

Rave Explosions

I feel this deep and burning need
As I sit it builds inside of me

I hear a voice that calls my name
it says it’s time to take a chance again

I can’t resist this incredible pull
I’ll fill this need regardless of the rules

Can you hear the call in my blood tonight
Can you see the fire burning in my eyes

What will today be
Can I even contain myself
What all would I see
If I act when I can’t tell
Will they be beautifully ambrosian
Rave Explosions
Rave Explosions

I must ignore the questions in my mind
The questions dont mean much if we decide

So I’ll take one more deep breath
and jump into the oceans gentle depth

And when at last I reach this end
The fireworks light will show what will begin

Can you feel the power in the air
Can you taste the rush that’s drawing near

What will today be
Can I even contain myself
What all would I see
If I act when i cant tell

How long would I wait
to take another shot
There’s nothing to take
If I don’t give it all I’ve got
Are they beautifully ambrosian
Rave Explosions
The Rave Explosions
I won’t waste opportunity
I won’t wait and let it pass me
I’m determined that I will find
The truth that lies behind your midnight eyes

And we will see
Rave Explosions

Tell me What will today be

Rave Explosions

And then What all would I see

Rave Explosions

What could today be
And what all could I see
How long would I wait
No more hesitation til I get

Rave Explosions

In the Absence of Silence

Can I speak about the absence of silence
How the emptiness just seems so loud
When there’s no one around
And it’s just me I’ve found
That the screams and the laughs are profound

Can I tell you about what I’m hearing
What the faces without souls have said
When they tear through my head
All my thoughts held by thread
Believe me, you’d be better off dead

They joke and they mock and they shame them
The people we all know tell lies
Now the green eyes are leering
And her face is still screaming
And nothing is left to surprise

How strange, how strange
How the silence can go on for days
And the green eyes keep laughing
As their faces pass by me
And nothing is ever the same

They stare and they hover around me
And question everything you say
Don’t doubt I believe you
But the voices they see you
In new and impossible ways

And they come to me in all of my dreams
They rattle and prattle and shake
All I don’t know
They make sure to show
Me every last little mistake

How strange, how strange
The monsters seem so uncaged
But the green eyes keep laughing
And she just looks past me
And nothing can ever change

And they speak in perfect inflection
I hear every word that they say
They say “Always remember
They aren’t worth the fear
And you can only trust us anyways”

“Are we really so different
Deep down you don’t really think so
You’re here forever
Just like me you never
Get to be your own soul”

“And tell me you don’t see the truth here
It’s not like we’re so amiss
You think like I think
All the terrible dark things
You are why I can exist”

How strange, how strange
How the devil is so engaged
Perhaps you are just the
buried subconscious
of a mind that’s not gone where it needs

We do our best to ignore them
Despite their constant jeers
But we just can’t quite shake them
In the silence they’ve taken
They very best of all our years

Until there’s nothing left here

Until we aren’t worth all the tears

Heaven

Touch my soul
It’s not whole
It’s broken like my mind
Take my heart
See the parts
Still beating out of spite

See my dreams
How they bring
The nightmares all to life
Hear the lies
Cause I can’t bring
Myself to say it right

It’s not the kind of love that I know is deserved
It’s the kind of love that can only ever hurt

So I’m not going to heaven
I tear you down just to get back in
I’ll walk away from your heaven
Better lost all alone then to bring you to sin

I bare the wounds
So I can say
That I’m not the perfect man
I wear them proud
Cause they’re the only
Pride that I can get

I carry on
With blade in hand
Just looking for a fight
It’s better that
Than face the fact
That you were always right

Now I’m not going to heaven
I’ll break your heart just to save us the time
I’ll never get into heaven
Not with all the hate and the bitter lies

They all say
I cant decide
For you what’s really right
But I can see
what this would be
I won’t put you you through that fire

I hold my head
High as I can
Just so I can hide
I won’t deserve
To hear the words
That haunt me every night

Why can’t I just go to heaven
On a path to hell for something that is right
I just can’t go to heaven
You were closer to heaven than I’ll ever find

I just can’t go to heaven
I tear you down just to get back in
I swear that I’ll steer clear of heaven
So you have the chance to be happy again