Hear Me

I fumble through and fight to lose
But always get up again
I just don’t know what to do
So I do all I can

I can’t face the light of day
The memories are pain
But the dark, is cold alone
It drive me insane

And I can’t even speak of what feel

To many people far to close
But no one’s here for real

So my soul burns
While heart beats freeze
I rise again
To hit my knees
With trembling hands
I beg and plead
But no ones left
To hear me scream

My heart broke clean in three
Torn apart by the fates
Despite the hurt that they caused
I just can’t come to hate

So I try to carry on
But their faces remain
I don’t know what’s left to do
So I drink them away

And I can’t even say what I do

Because of all I’ve said and done
I have to hide me from you

So my soul burns
while heart beats freeze
I rise again
To hit my knees
With trembling hands
I beg and plead
But no ones left
To hear me scream

And even if I could find the words
To help you understand
I don’t think that you’d ever see
Just the way that I can
So I wear the mask that makes it right
So you don’t have to see
Just remember what you’ve come to love
Is nothing like me

So my soul burns
while heart beats freeze
I rise again
To hit my knees
With trembling hands
I beg and plead
but no ones left
to hear me scream

And no one’s left to hear me scream
There’s no one left to hear me…

Marked (Fiction)

The sigil burned into the flesh of my left hand, eliciting a shout and dance of pain and shocked dissatisfaction.
That was not exactly what was suppose to happen.

I’d just been messing around, thought ‘Hey, what harm could drawing this random group of images on my hand while I’m bored’. Turns out the harm could include seared flesh and the rush of magic binding to me.

As the pain started to die down, my head began to swim. I could feel my energy warping to accommodate the new addition to my being.
Sudden fear ran through me. This simple doodle should not be altering my energy without my permission!

I rubbed my right hand vigorously over my left, hoping to remove the invading symbol, and immediately regretted that as the singed skin screamed.

Now slightly more irritated than afraid, I glared at my hand. Ok, slow down and think. Why would this symbol etch itself onto me without any power being put into it? That’s not how this is suppose to work.

I extended my mind to feel around the now cooling scar to see if there was some unusual innate power to it. And I nearly collapsed. Well…that’s special.
I tried moving energy up my arm to push against the sigil. My hand throbbed and a pressure built at the tips of my fingers.

Ok then. I looked closer at the various symbols involved, trying to remember why they came into my head and why I decided to draw them on myself. They were fairly simple. Nordic rune of binding, a rune for banishing, the rune for Mercurial intelligence. Two circles with lines crossing between the runs. All of it from different sources.

I got bored re-hashing the same old material time and again so I began randomly drawing on the only available material. My hand.

Next thing I know WHOOSH…..magic tat.

The pain and disorientation was mostly faded and a cursory examination of my personal energy didn’t show anything horribly wrong, apart from the new swirl of focus on my hand.

I could almost hear a soft, feminine laugh in the back of my head. Damn…

The Right Thing (Fiction)

I’m tired.

That’s nothing new, seeing as don’t really ever sleep. But this is different. This weariness seems to have settled back into my shriveled little heart. Every breath just seems like more work than it’s worth.
Don’t misunderstand my exhaustion for depression or any dis-interest in life. That’s not it at all. I’ve finally gotten back to appreciating life and what it can offer. It’s just that as soon as I found that again new little problems creep up.

For instance, the homicidal spirit of a deranged sorcerer who I might have had a partial hand in killing stalking through the dreamscape, terrorizing my friends and associates while looking for me.

Or how a new god has suddenly called me and decided that, apart from the devotion I am already offering the last divine overlord that collared me, I should be a part of his fun games.

Or how my fae-born ex-wife is unconsciously assaulting me with pixies.  You know, mostly small stuff. After a while it just wears at you.

Add to that the seer who keeps telling me I have death at my shoulder and the flocks of random strangers deciding I can fix their lives…I just don’t know how much I can give a shit some moments. I’ve spent a lot of years being a selfish bastard, and I’ve tried to work on that. But you can’t quit something like that cold turkey. It has to come in steps. 12 Step. For sociopaths.

And damnit I need an ‘I’m a selfish dick’ day. But sadly pissed off megalomaniacs don’t give you sick days, gods don’t just callback, and the needs of the many damn well let you know how little you matter. And even if I sleep, I have a dead bastard stalking the dreamscape for me. Guess I should get to dreaming. I could kick some ass.

Image

(The above image is here courtesy of google….meaning I don’t own it)

Underneath the Mask

This world is full of twisted fate
that burns and stabs and makes me ache
and fills my dark soul as I quake
in forbidden lust for thee

With every step and breath and thought
my mind goes where it ought not
and fills with glorious immoral rot
that’s taking hold of me

I can’t imagine any poison sweeter
then this dark and oozing ether
that rends my heart and soul beneath her
in the treachery I’ve sought

I hide behind a pleasant smile
my pulse racing all the while
for obscenity so rare and wild
and pray that I’m not caught

For my being is never more complete
then when I indulge the darkness sweet
and taste the blood that I do reap
in blissful misery

I reveal the tools once hidden
give in to impulse once forbidden
cross a line so far unwritten
in worship unto thee

I feel the sensation of falling
as across that line I’m crawling
ever near and so foreboding
in testaments I speak

Morals that I have forsaken
in my need for release taken
one with this my mind is breaking
and at last I’m free
to truly just be me